


To Dream or Not to Dream...

by AmestIbovvered



Category: Perdona nuestros pecados (TV 2017)
Genre: F/F, barbara/mercedes, barcedes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-17
Updated: 2018-03-17
Packaged: 2019-04-03 20:03:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14003652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmestIbovvered/pseuds/AmestIbovvered
Summary: Barbara has a lot of things on her mind. She hates her life, but she finds solace in her thoughts of Mercedes. A life that could never be, but that won't stop her from dreaming of better days.





	To Dream or Not to Dream...

Author's note: Hello! I know this isn't amazing by any means, but I started writing something down and I thought I'd share it. Hopefully it's decent enough, and maybe someone might enjoy it. If so, I might be persuaded to write more angsty stuff. Enjoy your day! <3

A low rumbling shook the bed. Her husband was finally fast asleep, dead to the world. She stared at him. He looked so innocent and helpless as he slept. You would never suspect the man was anything more than a mouse, but no. He thought himself a lion, proud of his job, his title, his life as he wanted it, despite never noticing her wants. Her needs.

She kept looking at him, seeing if she might feel something. Sympathy. Guilt. Admiration. But nothing came about her, aside from aching for another. His beady eyes closed shut, moustache almost dripping with sweat. The moon reflected slightly against his bald head. But that didn't even amuse her anymore. This man, she had so many years ago made an empty promise to love forever… he meant nothing to her. Even before Mercedes, Barbara was always just surviving, playing the game of life. What other choice did she have?

She slowly moved his hand from her waist, and slipped silently out of the bed. Another restless night. Another argument. Another evening her husband came home late, in a mood, and wanted only to strip her down. As if she wasn’t even a human, but a thing. A doting wife who cooks and cleans, and has no life outside of this damned house. 

It would never be enough for her. He would never be enough. But how long could she play both sides? When she was with him, kissing him, comforting him with words and touches...and when he climbed on top of her, it became like a dance to her. Say what he wants to hear, reassure him, don’t give him any reason to think anything else. 

Mercedes. Mercedes. Mercedes.

That’s all she could think of. That’s all she dreamt of. That’s all that kept her from turning to madness. She was so desperate for a life she knew could never have- if only they were sometime else. 

But this wasn’t. They couldn’t. So forbidden it would remain. She wouldn’t deal again with what happened the last time- she couldn’t. And Mercedes, she was strong, but she loved her too much to have her sacrifice everything she’s ever known.

Barbara, lost in her thoughts, almost tripped on the edge of the chair in the kitchen. She held her breath, listening for the snores. Her heart was racing. Why was she frightened? She was only going to head out to get some fresh air, look at the stars- but now everything felt like she had to hide. Her husband distrusted her, already accusing her of cheating-with another man of course. 

If only he knew. If he did-

Barbara breathed a sigh of relief. The snores were still loud, echoing even in the kitchen. Even in his sleep he had to play the dominant role. She sneered, hating everything around her. It was his idea of the perfect life. His dream. His.

As quietly as she could, she opened the door and escaped to the outside world. There was a hidden spot she had found a few weeks earlier when she needed to think. A perfect get-away from the hell she was currently living.

The town was quiet, peaceful. The stars were bright in the sky, with the moon hidden behind clouds. It was as romantic as an evening could be, but she had no one to share it with. Even if she wished to sneak over to Mercedes place, if her father caught them-No. She couldn’t risk it. They had to remain unsuspicious. They had to put on a face. A mask. A lie. 

Barbara looked up into the sky after sitting down in the hidden nook. “What have I done to deserve this fate? I am a good person, am I not? Is loving someone so wrong? I dealt with my past sins long ago, but my heart and mind have never been more clear. I do not understand why we must hide away, ashamed of our hearts. Love is a beautiful thing. That is why you have granted us with poetry, songs, stories. To inspire- and even if I spent the rest of my days trying to explain to you how it is I feel for Mercedes, I could not. In a thousand years, I would still sing her praise, how her smile melts my heart, her eyes are full of life, her hair shines in the sun. She is beauty and grace, she is but everything the world does not deserve. So pure and unshaken, beautiful and bold, stubborn and brave- Can’t you see? A love like this- that so many spit on, call disgraceful, call us crazy for, it is just as pure- if not more than any others.”

A soft voice from behind her made Barbara jump.

“I trust your words. Just call me your love, and I will take a new name,” Mercedes appeared from out of the darkness, her face only shown for a brief moment with the moon. The clouds quickly dimmed the sky again.

Barbara grabbed for Mercedes, almost expecting to have her fingers fall through her as if this figure was just an apparition. 

“Am I not dreaming? My love, why are you here?” Barbara cried, as Mercedes pulled her close to her.

“It’s a beautiful night. A shame to waste it in bed, alone. Besides, my father is out on business. Only until the early morning. I just- I needed to see you,” Mercedes shyly looks away, but Barbara gently moves her head back to face her.

“No. This is a dream. I don’t care. I just want you. Mercedes. I just want you,” Barbara pushes to kiss Mercedes. Mercedes almost falls limp in her arms, giving her all the power.

Barbara hesitates, quietly pulling Mercedes away. “Are you here? Is this real?” 

Mercedes wipes away Barbara’s tears, and cups her chin in her hand.

“Forever. You have me for forever, my love. Until the end of time. My life is yours, Barbara. If I have to fight off my father, my brothers, my friends- even your husband, I will. For these moments, I’ll steal a star or a million stars. To name after all the kisses and the smiles you give me. I have a name for each one. It’s just the beginning of our story, and Romeo was but a man. We will fight for our love, if that’s what you want,” Mercedes smiles. Barbara senses something different about her. A new power, a boldness and ferocity that she hadn’t seen before. 

“You’re quite romantic in the early morning. I don’t deserve you,” Barbara kisses Mercedes again. 

“You have helped me more than you'll ever know. I'm no longer a child, and I will not have anyone treat me as such. I know what I want,” Mercedes looks hard into the distance then glances up at the stars.

“And what is it that you desire?” Barbara teases her.

Mercedes takes a deep breath in and looks right into Barbara’s eyes. The moon breaks free once again from the clouds, and seems to shine like a spotlight on the two of them. 

“To be with you. I can't shake you from my mind. You're like a film that keeps playing in my head when I close my eyes, and sometimes I never want to wake. I love you,” Mercedes bites her lower lip.

Barbara pinches herself. It hurts. This is real. “Hold me, and never let go,” Barbara smiles and clings onto Mercedes. 

Even if this was a dream, in that moment, she was the happiest she had ever been.


End file.
